Jokes

A Two-Year-Old's Tea Party

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was two years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken. Someone gave me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was really just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea because it was "just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched  him drink it all up. Then she said, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place the baby can reach to get water is the toilet?" 

Bubba Goes To The Doctor's Office

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat in the waiting room.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, took his blood pressure and did an EKG. She told Bubba to take off all his clothes and put on a gown and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?" Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"

FAVORITE BUMPER STICKERS:

I can't seem to get around to procrastinating.

Always be sincere whether you mean it or not.

I used to be apathetic but now I don't care.

FUN SIGNS:

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push Push."

On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a tire shop, "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a plumber's truck, "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."